I had an epiphany while walking through the grocery store on my lunch break today. We had an 80’s themed dress up day today (why yes, I do work at a bank, why do you ask?) and I was strolling around in my pink leg warmers and bubble skirt. I tried to tone down the outfit a little before I left but there’s only so much you can do without taking off the whole costume. So needless to say, I was feeling a little silly. But I decided I didn’t care because it was a costume and I was having fun wearing it so who cares what anyone thinks?
Oh. My. God. Who cares what anyone thinks? I realized suddenly that that little rhetorical question I had asked myself regarding my silly costume could, and maybe should, be applied to every single day. Who cares what anyone thinks? When had I started caring what people think? I certainly have vivid memories of teenage me with a gaggle of friends patronizing malls in tutus. Or wearing matching outfits to sing karaoke at a friend’s family reunion. Or being die-hard “groupies” of a high school classmate’s band, following them around to all their local shows and screaming our heads off from the audience, even if we were the only ones there. I can remember being silly and crazy and outgoing but they’re all distant memories. And now that I think about it, they’re all from high school or shortly thereafter. It’s like becoming an adult sapped the life out of me.
But that’s not the real reason, obviously. The real reason is that I wasn’t particularly prepared for the pressures that would be placed upon me. (A is for alliteration!) And so I closed up. My close group of friends disseminated, including my best friend in the world moving halfway across the country, which left me without a support network as I was just starting to find myself. I’d always been depressed and self-conscious but I’d also always had friends more outgoing and confident than I and so they were able to pull me up with them. Apparently I didn’t actually learn from them as they were doing so, I just went along for the ride, because as soon as they weren’t there I could no longer be confident and outgoing and crazy. I closed up.
No more. I’m done being the silent girl in the corner. From now on, I’m choosing to have fun in life. I’ve decided not to care what people think because if they judge then they’re probably not people I want to hang with anyway. I’m going to stand tall and love myself and be me. Who’d athunk a little trip to the grocery store could inspire all this? 😀